Two-minute rescues
Institut Solène keeps forty awkward moments and the words for each, written to be read in the doorway rather than studied. Find the situation, say the sentence, stop talking. No lecture, no explanation of why people behave as they do.
40 of 40 rescues
At the table
The glass goes over and the mark spreads across a table you did not lay.
Say this
“That is entirely my doing, and I am sorry. May I have a cloth, and may I sit somewhere I can do less harm?”
Do not explain how it happened, do not blame the glass, and do not press the salt remedy on your host’s linen unasked.
At the table
Something is set in front of you that you do not eat, and the host is watching.
Say this
“It looks wonderful, and I am sorry to be difficult. I am not able to eat this; please do not make anything else for me.”
Do not list the reasons at the table, and do not say you are allergic if you are not. One plain sentence, then move the conversation off it.
At the table
Cutlery lands on the carpet mid-course and a waiter is not in the room.
Say this
“I have lost a fork — would you forgive me asking for another?”
Do not reach under the table for it, and do not carry on with the next piece of cutlery as though a course ahead of you were already being eaten.
At the table
The host asks what you think, and everyone at the table already knows.
Say this
“It is a generous hand with the salt, and I would happily eat it again.”
Do not say it is perfect if your face has already said otherwise, and do not diagnose the kitchen in front of the person who cooked.
Names and greetings
Someone greets you warmly and you have no idea what they are called.
Say this
“Forgive me — your face I know exactly, your name has gone. Will you say it again?”
Do not guess, and do not hope the conversation will produce it. Say it plainly once and it stops being awkward in the same sentence.
Names and greetings
You hear the correct version a moment after saying it wrongly.
Say this
“I have had that wrong. Say it once more and I will have it right from now on.”
Do not laugh it off or shorten the name to something easier. Getting it right on the second attempt is the whole of the apology.
Names and greetings
A name is on the card and the person in front of you is not yet placed.
Say this
“I know your name from the list, and I have not yet had the pleasure. I am —.”
Do not pretend to remember a conversation that never happened. A straight introduction costs nothing and is never noticed.
Names and greetings
You ring, a house is clearly occupied, and nobody comes for a minute that feels like five.
Say this
At the door: “Thank you for having me — the traffic was kind, so I am a few minutes early. Shall I wait in the hall?”
Do not walk round the side, do not ring twice within the minute, and do not use an early arrival to ask for a tour.
Dress
The door opens and the room is in suits.
Say this
“I have dressed for the card rather than the room, it seems. Tell me where to put my coat and I will be comfortable in a minute.”
Do not apologise twice, undo the bow tie, or keep the evening about the jacket. Nobody remembers the coat ten minutes in; they remember the fuss.
Dress
The room is in dinner jackets and you are in a suit, or the room is in suits and you are in a shirt.
Say this
“I have read this wrong and I am sorry. Say the word and I will change before we sit.”
Do not explain the day you have had, and do not make jokes about it all evening. A host forgives a jacket; a host does not forget a guest who spent the evening apologising.
Dress
A seam gives, a heel snaps, a strap goes, and the evening is still going.
Say this
Quietly to the host or the person nearest: “I have had a small disaster with my dress. Is there a room I could borrow for five minutes?”
Do not attempt a public repair at the table. Deal with it out of the room and come back as though nothing happened, because by then nothing has.
Dress
Everyone is in white, or in black, or in something with a meaning you did not read.
Say this
“I see I am the one who did not read the small print. I shall be the plain note in the room and enjoy it.”
Do not ask whether you should go home and change, and do not spend the evening pointing out that you did not know.
Toasts and speeches
You raise a glass, say the name, and the table answers with silence.
Say this
“To Eleanor — who taught half this table how to hold a glass.” Then sit down and let someone else speak.
Do not repeat the toast louder, and do not explain what you meant. One more sentence, one clink, and the table will do the rest.
Toasts and speeches
The host turns to you, the table turns with them, and you have prepared nothing.
Say this
“I did not come prepared, so I shall say the true thing: this table is the reason I came, and the reason I will come again. To our hosts.”
Do not announce that you are no good at this, and do not speak for more than forty seconds. Three sentences and a glass is a complete answer.
Toasts and speeches
A story is told at the expense of a person still sitting at the table.
Say this
When you can, and to the room: “A good story — and I would rather hear the one about the boat. Tell it, Charles.”
Do not rebuke the speaker in public and do not laugh to keep the peace. Move the room onto another story, and speak to them quietly afterwards.
Gifts
A house gives you something far beyond what you could ever give back.
Say this
“This is generous beyond anything I can answer, and I am not going to pretend otherwise. Thank you — it will be used, not kept.”
Do not promise to repay it, and do not go into debt trying. Say what the thing will be used for, which is the return a generous house actually wants.
Gifts
You open a second copy of the thing, in front of the person who chose it.
Say this
“How did you know? I have wanted this and would not have bought it for myself.”
Do not mention the other one, and do not ask for the receipt. If it truly cannot be used, it is passed on quietly later and never discussed.
Gifts
You are at the door and everyone else is carrying something.
Say this
“I have come without a thing, which is badly done. What I do have is the whole of tomorrow morning if it is any use to you.”
Do not invent a gift that is “coming”. Send flowers or a note the next day and let that be the end of it.
Gifts
Something arrives whose price makes the relationship feel uneven.
Say this
“It is beautiful, and it is more than I expected. Thank you — and please know that a bottle and an evening would have been plenty.”
Do not refuse it at the door. Take it, thank them, and use it; refusing a gift is a correction, and a correction is not a thank-you.
Other people’s rudeness
A guest asks the price of the house, the watch, the painting or the dress.
Say this
“More than it should have, and less than it looks. Tell me — how is your mother getting on?”
Do not answer with a figure to end the discomfort. The question was the rudeness; the deflection is the courtesy, and it costs nothing.
Other people’s rudeness
Someone at the table offers an opinion about your child’s manners, size or school.
Say this
“He is doing better than I did at his age. Shall we leave him out of it and talk about something he can hear?”
Do not defend the child in detail, which makes the child the subject. Close it in one sentence and turn the table.
Other people’s rudeness
A host or a guest points out a mistake of yours while the table listens.
Say this
“You are right, and thank you for saying so. I will put it right.”
Do not correct the corrector in the room. The matter is settled in one sentence; anything further can be said privately, or not at all.
Other people’s rudeness
A remark you made to one person is now being repeated by another.
Say this
“I had not realised that had travelled. I would rather it stopped here.”
Do not name the person who told you, and do not repeat the rest of it to prove your point. The sentence above ends it.
Other people’s rudeness
A guest speaks to a waiter or a housekeeper in a way you would not.
Say this
To the person serving: “Thank you, that is all we need for now.” Then to the room, lightly: “Shall we let them work?”
Do not lecture the guest at the table in front of the person they were rude to. That person has already had enough of an evening.
Staying in a house
The visit is not working, or life has intervened, and the dates must change.
Say this
“I am sorry to do this — I need to go back a day sooner than we said. Nothing here; it is mine to sort out, and I would rather tell you now than at breakfast.”
Do not vanish, do not blame the house, and do not leave it until the morning of. A day’s notice is the whole of the courtesy.
Staying in a house
You are awake at six and the house is not, or you cannot sleep and the house rises early.
Say this
“I am an early riser and I do not want to be the noise in your morning. May I take a key and be out of the way until nine?”
Do not make coffee in someone else’s kitchen at dawn and do not remark on the house’s timings. Ask once, and keep to what you are given.
Staying in a house
A glass, a handle, a small thing that cannot be hidden.
Say this
“I have broken the decanter, and I am sorry. Tell me how you would like it dealt with — replace it, or leave it to you.”
Do not leave it in the bin or hope it is not noticed. Say it before you are asked, and let the host decide what happens next.
Staying in a house
You are cold, or the bed is impossible, and the visit is four nights long.
Say this
“I am sleeping badly and I think it is the room. Is there a spare blanket, or would you rather I moved?”
Do not suffer it silently and then arrive at breakfast grey for four days. One question, asked early, is easier for a host than a guest who is enduring the house.
Away from home
A charge sits on the bill in a language you are reading slowly.
Say this
“Forgive me — I do not recognise this line. Could you tell me what it is before I settle?”
Do not accuse anybody, and do not pay it to avoid a scene. Asking what a charge is, quietly, is entirely ordinary.
Away from home
A porter has carried four bags and your wallet holds only a card.
Say this
“I have no notes on me and that is badly planned. May I leave it with the desk for you by name?”
Do not offer a foreign coin, and do not disappear. Leaving it at the desk with the name is completely correct.
Away from home
You need something simple in a language you do not have, and nobody is understanding.
Say this
“Forgive me — I have no Italian. Is there someone here who speaks English, or may I show you?”
Do not raise your voice or repeat the same English slowly. Write it, point at it, or ask for someone else; all three are ordinary.
Away from home
You are in the hall of a house abroad and cannot tell whether shoes come off.
Say this
“Shall I take my shoes off?”
Do not guess, and do not walk in while deciding. One question at the door costs nothing and is what every well-received guest asks.
In writing
An invitation arrives that you cannot accept and cannot explain away.
Say this
“Thank you for thinking of us — we are so sorry not to be able to come. We shall hope to see you before the summer.”
Do not invent an illness or a funeral. A regret needs no reason, and an invented one is the part that gets remembered.
In writing
The envelope has gone, or the salutation names somebody else.
Say this
“I wrote to you yesterday and put the wrong name at the top. Forgive me; the letter was meant for you and only you.”
Do not pretend it did not happen, and do not send a corrected copy without a word. One line acknowledges it and ends it.
In writing
You realise an evening went unanswered for a month.
Say this
“I owe you a letter and have owed it for a month. It was a beautiful evening and I have thought of it often; I am sorry not to have said so sooner.”
Do not say you have been meaning to write, and do not blame work. Send it today, short, and let the lateness be the only thing admitted.
In writing
Your letter opened with a first name and the reply came back formal.
Say this
“I fear I took a liberty with your name. I shall use Mrs Whitfield until you tell me otherwise.”
Do not keep using the first name because you have already done so once. Follow the reply, which is the instruction.
The digital room
A remark about somebody has gone to that somebody.
Say this
“That was meant for someone else and it was careless of me. I am sorry; it does not represent what I think and I will not pretend it did not happen.”
Do not claim your account was hacked, and do not follow it with an explanation of why the remark was almost fair.
The digital room
A phone comes out mid-evening and the room is in the frame.
Say this
“Would you mind leaving me out of it? The room is lovely; I would rather not be in the picture.”
Do not snatch the phone and do not lecture the table about the internet. One request, made lightly, is normally the whole of it.
The digital room
A reply written for one person has landed in a household group.
Say this
“Wrong thread, and my apologies to everyone reading it. It was meant for one pair of eyes.”
Do not delete it and behave as though nobody saw. Most people saw, and one plain line is the smallest available repair.
The digital room
Someone takes a call, or plays a voice note, in the middle of dinner.
Say this
To the host, quietly: “Shall we wait for you?”
Do not comment on it to the table. The question is addressed to the person and asks them to decide, which is the most that a guest may do.
In one paragraph, for the record
Two-minute rescues are forty awkward moments with the exact words for each, written to be read in the doorway rather than studied: wine on the host’s cloth, a forgotten name, the wrong dress, a toast that dies, a gift you cannot reciprocate, and someone else’s rudeness among them. Each gives one sentence to say and the move that makes it worse. Nothing in them is law, and no verdict on any person is offered.